The Way I Am

I've been thinking about my life and the way I do things now and how I use to do them. Starting this blog was a good thing for me because sometimes I want to talk about something but I might be embarrassed to say it, but its a lot easier to write about it.

I get up everyday and I workout, practice with my stimulator throughout the day, work on my speeches and try and ride my hand cycle. Just that keeps me pretty busy I also have a lot more that I try and get done sometimes I find myself making up excuses on why not to do them.

Here's what I want to write about and its not that I'm complaining or looking for sympathy I just want to talk about it. I see some of my friends with there wives and kids or my buddies that work out at the mines and they are all just living their life in a way that I thought it should have been for me. My brother works with my dad in our family company doing all the things that I use to do and I know my dad and brother would love to have me back working with them...I just don't see it in my future anymore...as bad as I wish that it was.

An everyday issue for me is going places like to a friends house, concerts, camping, traveling, really anything and having to make sure I can get in there with my wheelchair is a pain. There are all kinds of things that I think about that make me wonder, why did this have to happen to me?

It's ok though because I like to use these feelings for fuel to keep me pushing on and trying to reach my goals. I know it's not going to be easy. I've also had an amazing opportunity to be part of a research program that is improving the lives of people living with spinal cord injuries. I know I have to keep working hard and doing the best I can, not only to benefit myself but to provide the best information to the research ultimately helping everyone with an SCI to reach their goal to walk again.

  
 

Working Out

I've only been blogging for a little while but hopefully my passion for staying in shape has come through? I was a fit guy before my accident but it was more of a result of my active lifestyle rather than a real dedication to fitness.

After the accident I think it is one of the most important things in my life.

I've been so fortunate to receive the epidural stimulation and know there are great things on the horizon for people living with paralysis but even with so much hope there is a constant nagging in the back of my mind about being physically fit for when these developments come about.

This is a constant battle for me...my muscle spasms are so bad I haven't slept through the night in years. My legs have a crazy mind of their own and will kick or shake uncontrollably every single day. I've been on baclofen (treats muscle spasms) and enjoyed the peace it brings. There are so many benefits to living a spasm free life! For me though, as much as I HATE the spasms, when my legs spasm I see the muscles tense. It's a small bit of comfort in an otherwise almost unbearable situation.

Not being able to voluntarily activate muscles below the chest anytime I want I love to see they're still alive.

I also love the feeling I get after a great workout. I know exercise releases endorphins but I think working out in a wheelchair increases the amount released...I've got no science here but when I'm at the gym I think about how hard it was for me to even get there, I think about all the machines I can't even use, the people staring at me thinking and the additional effort it takes me to get around a typical gym. The number of people in wheelchairs in your average gym is very little and those kind of odds make the workout that much more meaningful. If I can do it so can you. It isn't easy, it's beyond frustrating and sometimes you'll wonder why you even bother--everyone paralyzed or not does! But I can tell you one thing--when the cure comes you'll be ready! You'll be a better candidate, you'll recover faster, your heart will be stronger, your immune system will be stronger and you'll already have some muscle mass.

Those first workouts are the hardest (I'll get into my first workouts in a later post) but don't give up! The benefits from working out are unreal! I've never been so grateful I can workout - even if everyday is an arm day ;)

Here is a video of me trying to prove my brother wrong...he said I couldn't pull myself up a rope and do 10 pull-ups...